I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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