I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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