I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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