WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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