Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
