I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
