Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
