Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
