Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
