On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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