you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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