I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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