today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
