We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
