i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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