The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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