he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
