did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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