I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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