i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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