RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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