I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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