lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
