I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
