Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
