he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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