Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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