I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
