Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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