I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
