It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
