Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
