Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
