Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
