i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
