i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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