I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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