did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
