Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
