is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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