i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
