Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
