Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
