doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
