it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
