it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
