Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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