This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
