After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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