dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
