FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
