I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will be naked everywhere
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
