Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
